The “Keys” Conversation

They say the “Taking Away the Keys” conversation is one of the most difficult to have—whether you’re the parent OR the child.

Last week, a friend shared on social media the results of an AI prompt she posed on this very subject. Here they are:

GENTLE/COMPASSIONATE:

These work well when you want to emphasize care, safety, and dignity.

“It may be time to rethink driving for now.”

“Driving doesn’t seem as safe for you anymore.”

“Your safety—and everyone else’s—needs to come first now.”

“It might be time to let someone else do the driving.”

“We need to talk about whether driving is still working for you.”

“This feels like a good moment to make a safer plan.”

CLEAR LANGUAGE WITHOUT BEING CRUEL OR PATRONIZING:

“Driving is no longer safe.”

“You’re having more difficulty than before, and that matters.”

“Your judgment and reaction time aren’t what they used to be.”

“This isn’t about independence—it’s about safety.”

“The risks have become too high.”

“We need to make a change before something happens.”

FIRM/SAFETY-FOCUSED:

Appropriate when immediate risk is involved.

“It’s no longer safe for you to be behind the wheel.”

“Driving has become a danger.”

“This can’t continue without risking harm.”

“We can’t ignore the warning signs anymore.”

“Someone could get hurt.”

“This has crossed into unsafe territory.”

MEDICAL/COGNITIVE FRAMING:

Useful in clinical or family-meeting contexts.

“There’s been a noticeable decline in cognitive functioning.”

“Your decision-making and reaction time have changed.”

“Your condition affects driving safety.”

“This is a functional limitation, not a personal failing.”

“The capacity needed for safe driving isn’t fully there anymore.”

PRESERVING DIGNITY & AUTONOMY:

Language that reduces shame and defensiveness.

“This isn’t a punishment—it’s a transition.”

“Many people reach this point; you’re not alone.”

“Needing help now doesn’t erase who you’ve been.”

“Letting go of driving doesn’t mean losing your independence.”

“This is about protecting what matters most.”

A PARTICULARLY BALANCED PHRASE MANY FAMILIES FIND HELPFUL:

“It looks like driving has become unsafe, and it’s time to make a new plan that protects you and others.”

How’s about NONE OF THE ABOVE?

Here are a few suggestions based on ACTUAL, rather than Artificial Intelligence:

Have a remedy (or remedies) for the situation BEFORE you ever bring up your concerns—for instance, someone who can take them wherever—whenever.

Lose the BS. There’s no way your parent is going to believe that giving you the keys isn’t going to affect their independence, so don’t say that it is.

Enlist the help of someone else they trust in the conversation: their doctor, spiritual leader, sibling, close friend.

Don’t invoke statements like, “This isn’t a punishment,” or “You’re not alone,” or “This is not a personal failing.” They are NOT helpful; nor are they convincing.

Finally, and perhaps most importantly, PLAN AHEAD. Have the conversation BEFORE you need to have the conversation—with your parents AND your kids.

What other ideas do you have? Please share them in the comments below . . .