The Answers Are In the Questions

I’m taking a class inspired on the book, “Wise Aging: Living with Joy, Resilience, and Spirit,” published in 2015 by the late Rabbi Rachel Cowan and Dr. Linda Thal.

Early on in Chapter One, the authors pose a series of questions for people to ponder when they reach mid-life:

Is my job taking too much time and energy?

Do I love it the way I once did?

Am I burned out?

Who on earth would I be without this job, this role, this status?

If I can’t afford to leave my job, can I make more time for myself to be with friends and family, or to relax and enjoy another activity, or to join a religious, activist, or social group?

Can I begin to move in the direction of greater freedom?

If I could choose, what would I most love to be doing this morning?

With whom would I most love to be?

What is happening to time, which seems to be disappearing so much faster than it used to?

Is the anxiety that wakes me at 3:30 in the morning just normal stress or is it fear of being old, or of dying?

My life no longer looks unlimited—what do I want to do with the rest of my years?

HOW DO I WANT TO BE?

As I read these questions, it occurred to me that they were not only relevant for people in their 50’s, 60’s, 70’s, and beyond—but they were important questions for adults to ask themselves at ANY age.

So many people start down a path—perhaps, when they’re in college or immediately thereafter—and discover sooner rather than later that it may not be the right path for them. Yet, because they’ve invested so much time and energy (and money) into pursuing that path, they’re reluctant to change course.

Legendary iconoclast David Bowie once said, “Aging is an extraordinary process whereby you become the person you always should have been.”

But why do so many of us feel we must wait until older adulthood to become that person?

Why do we allow so much of our lives to be defined by external obligations and expectations, rather than prioritizing our own wants, needs, and dreams?

Yes, as we age we evolve as individuals. Our goals and desires and circumstances may change. Our responsibilities—to ourselves and others—increase and decrease and increase again.

Which is why, at least to me, it seems all the more important to ask ourselves the questions listed above—more than once—throughout the course of our adult lives.

And when we do, we may find that the answers ground us. Or challenge us. Or inspire us. Or remind us.

Of who we are. Who we want to be. And HOW we want to be.

Regardless of how old we are. Or what’s going on around us.