Do NOT Go It Alone.

Last week, I was reading an article in an old issue of @AARP Magazine when the words, “Death is a part of aging,” stopped me in my tracks.

Death is NOT a part of aging.

And, while we’re on the subject, people do NOT die of “old age.”

Aging is part of the process of LIVING.

Death simply marks the end of that process.

Characterizing aging and/or older age as anything but that is #AGEIST. Period.

Do our bodies change as we age? Of course.

Do they experience wear-and-tear over time? Yes.

Do they endure various illnesses—some acute, others chronic? Absolutely.

But Death is not one of them. It is not a disease. It is not a diagnosis.

Nor, for that matter, is Aging.

Yet, how many times have older adults been told, “Well, you’re (insert age here). That’s what happens.” Or, “What do you expect?”

Earlier this week, an 88-year-old I know started the first of six rounds of chemo.

As I suspect most of you know, navigating cancer treatment protocols is not easy. It’s complicated and technical and filled with uncertainty. And, for most people, it’s also scary.

But she’s been lucky. Her doctors have not only treated her—they’ve advocated for her. She’s had access to the best cancer specialists in the world, courtesy of M.D. Anderson Cancer Center. And her husband and son have been by her side at every meeting with every doctor since this journey began.

After meeting with her clinical team prior to starting chemo, her son said to me, “I don’t know how people who don’t have someone with them do it. I don’t know how they absorb all the information they’re given. How they navigate the process. How they can even begin to understand.”

He’s right.

Receiving a life-changing diagnosis—no matter how old you are—is, well, life-changing.

Surrounding yourself with a reliable and robust support system can make a real difference in the way you manage your situation.

In particular, having an extra pair of ears in the room—or on the phone—every time you meet with your healthcare team is vitally important.

They may hear something you don’t. They may ask a question you haven’t thought of. They may have clarity while you’re struggling to maintain focus.

Unfortunately, internalized ageism can interfere with people’s willingness to admit they need that kind of help.

No one wants to appear as though they can’t manage their own medical affairs—as though they’re “losing it.”

But life-changing diagnoses are fraught with confusing information, details, and protocols to follow. Adjusting to this “new normal” is no time to go it alone.

So if you or someone you know is suddenly faced with the challenge of dealing with a life-changing diagnosis, PLEASE ASK FOR HELP.

Find a partner who can go through the process with you. Let them be the repository of all the details so that you can focus on getting better.

Remember: old age is not an affliction. It’s a privilege.

And one that we should all cherish.