Earlier this week, I was reminded that—no matter how old we are—WE define who and what we are.
A woman who lives in Los Angeles had decided to wear a sweater, even though in Southern California it wasn’t technically “sweater weather.”
Having grown up in South Texas, this was a dilemma I was all-too-familiar with, as I explained to the woman: when you live in a warm climate, the CALENDAR decides whether it’s “sweater weather,” NOT the thermometer.
So often, we allow who we are—or aren’t—to be dictated by pretty much anyone or anything other than OURSELVES.
Before we even start elementary school, children are asked, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” I remember taking the PSAT as a sophomore in high school and having to fill in the blank adjacent to the words: “Desired Major.” As if I had had any idea at the time.
As kids we’re defined by our grades, our athletic prowess, our hobbies and other interests, and in many cases, our conduct or comportment in the classroom (especially those of us who frequently got the “talks too much in class” comment on our report cards).
As adolescents those labels are further refined by our friend groups, extracurricular activities, social skills, and where we end up applying to and (eventually) being accepted to college.
Then, as young adults, we’re defined by the college we attend, the internships and jobs we get, the people we surround ourselves with, the money we make, where we live, the existence and/or duration of our romantic relationships, whether we “party” or not—the list goes on.
After that, we’re defined by the roles we play in life: our job titles, our marital status, our parental status, whether we’re “cat people” or “dog people” (or, in the case of couple of friends of mine, “bird people”), even how “busy” or “overwhelmed” we might be.
And then finally, as older adults, we’re defined by our experience (or lack thereof), our track record, our health status, our employment status, the color and/or presence of our hair, and, of course, our AGE.
At each stage of our lives, these are the definitions given TO us by OTHERS, which begs the question:
AT WHAT POINT DO WE GET TO DEFINE OURSELVES?
When will we allow ourselves to be who WE want to be?
If you’re already who YOU want to be—that’s great! But if you’re not, why not?
What is standing in your way?
Fear? Uncertainty? A lack of time? The need for more knowledge, additional information, or to hone your skills?
What is it that you’ve always wanted to do, but haven’t?
Paint? Write? Teach? Be a caregiver? Make a difference in the lives of people in-need? Grow your own food? Raise chickens? Share your professional skills and experience with others? Act? Dance? Run for office?
Whatever it is, the likelihood is IT’S NOT TOO LATE.
The point of all this is that no matter how old we are, we shouldn’t allow external influences to define us.
True, the younger we are, the less choice we have in the matter. But as we age, we cultivate the gravitas—and, dare I say it, the RESPONSIBILITY—to DEFINE OURSELVES.
And remember to wear that sweater proudly, no matter what time of year it is—or what the thermometer reads.
After all, isn’t that one of the benefits of air conditioning?